Each one of us, at some point in our lives, hits a wall. We get stuck. Sometimes we’re stuck because, well, we want something and nothing is happening. Or we’re stuck because the opposite of what we want has in fact happened. Or, we tried to better our lives—but in doing so, in making that seemingly ‘better’ choice, things didn’t pan out the way we wanted. But the thing about these moments is this: it’s our view of God that ultimately matters. It’s what determines how we see our circumstances. And why does that matter? It matters because it changes how we feel about God—how we relate to Him. It changes how we feel about our own lives. We’re going to compare ourselves to others—that’s just inevitable. So we want to know how to think about things in a way that benefits us the most, but really, at the end of the day, it has to align with the truth. If it doesn’t align with the truth, we’re just deceiving ourselves.

       Let’s think about a few different scenarios here. Think of Sarah. She’s been waiting, year after year, for that perfect man to come along, but he never shows up. She’s doing "everything right"—she’s praying, she’s in a small group, she’s hanging out with friends—but that man just isn’t there. Or, think of Darren. After eight years of marriage, he loses his wife to an unexpected disease. It came out of nowhere. In just six months, she’s gone. He didn’t plan for this. Now he’s left with four children to raise without a mother. Or, let’s look at Justin. He got this promising job offer—something he accepted in good faith—but it turns out it’s not what he thought it would be. A year in, it’s just not fun. It’s not exciting. Actually, it’s the opposite. He finds himself wishing he could just have his old job back.

       Whether it’s things not happening, or a choice between two paths—whatever the situation—it really boils down to two different perspectives we can take. And often, these perspectives are rooted deep inside of us. The first one is the one most people take: the idea that everything that happens is God’s will. Everything is God’s will. He’s doing this to teach me this, or that. I’m having this difficulty so that I will grow. No pain, no gain, right? That’s the most common take. And what’s "wrong" with that? It sounds reasonable. It’s based on a principle. We figure, "God wants us to succeed eventually, so He has to create hardship to get us there." Plus, it takes the burden of worry away. If what’s happening is happening because it’s meant to be, then it can’t be any other way. It’s "the way it’s supposed to be for me." It sounds very comforting.

       So, let's just pause here for a second and really look at this. When questioning this perspective, it’s not to dismiss our need to trust God. We need to trust God—that’s human. But there’s a real difference between what we call 'toxic positivity' and what we call realistic ‘hope.’ The term 'toxic positivity' is a great way to describe what’s happening when we use unhelpful language to avoid feeling the actual pain of our lives. It’s telling ourselves, 'Everything is fine' or 'I’ll be okay' when, in reality, the house is literally on fire. You see, real hope isn't about pretending a fire isn't there. It’s about realizing that after you’ve done everything you can do, there is a Person standing there with you—right in the middle of the bad stuff. The danger with the 'everything is God's will' mindset is that it can start to silence our own honest concerns. It can actually make us ignore our own responsibilities in certain areas—and we’ll get into that in a bit—but we have to see what happens when that perspective starts to dictate our actions. And by the way, if you wanna know more about this whole ‘toxic positivity’ subject matter, there’s been a book written recently by the secular author Whitney Goodman titled, just that, ‘Toxic Positivity: Keeping It Real in a World Obsessed with Being Happy.” Something that can be checked out, to explore this subject matter.

       But what are the problems with the perspective that ‘Everything that happens is God’s will’? Well, for one, if everything that happens is ultimately God’s will, it means God is responsible even for the evil things in our world. For many of us, we aren’t seeing a ton of evil compared to others. But for those others? They’re experiencing incredibly challenging circumstances. Bad things happen. Children get sick and die. Houses flood or burn down. People get diagnosed with "this" or "that." People get wealthy and then they lose it. Money comes and money goes. Sure, some people are "shielded"—if we can use that word—but many people aren’t. They get hit. The problem reaches them, and it has its full manifestation. And then, pulling out some kind of toxic positivity, we might say to them, “Look on the bright side,” or, “God’s in control,” or, “It’s happening for a reason.”

       Let’s think about the problem of staying in a bad situation a bit more. If a person stays in a "toxic" vibe because they think the circumstance is God’s will, then they’re not going to work to change anything, are they? If a man is in a bad marriage—dare it be said, one where he’s being abused by his wife—and he thinks it’s God’s will for him to stay, he’s not going to try to get out. That is a dangerous place to be. Or, take a woman working for a boss who treats people unfairly. If she just accepts that as "God’s will" and does nothing, nothing is ever going to change. Whether that means talking to the boss, going to HR if need be, or finding a new company—if she just passively accepts it, it stays the same.

       And then—and we have to really consider this—what are the social costs if we tell someone that what they’re going through is, in fact, just 'God’s will'? There seems to be a real cost there. If we look at someone who is hurting and we tell them that the bad thing happening to them is God’s will, are we actually being kind to them? Is that honestly kind? Or are we just using a cliché to avoid the deeper work of looking for answers to their problem? It’s just, it’s so much easier to say, 'Well, it’s God’s will,' than it is to actually sit with them in their pain and try to find a reasonable path forward together. What happened to “weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:5, ESV)? That’s what Paul told the Romans—and are we really doing that if we just offer them a theological shortcut?

       We can start to see why this really matters. Because when a person stays in a bad situation—or when we say that God just 'allows' bad things to happen to certain people—it carries some pretty heavy moral implications. Does it seem fair that one person is dealt this issue while another isn't? Of course, someone will jump in and say, "We have no right to question God. God can do what He wants." In fact, we see this touched upon in Romans chapter 9. In verse 19, Paul asks, "Why does he still find fault for who can resist his will?" And in verse 20, he asks, "But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, “Why have you made me like this?” While there are many ways to interpret this text, it seems best not to say Paul is suggesting that God arbitrarily causes all things to happen. Rather, it appears he is speaking about God hardening a heart that was already hardened. And we see this in how Pharaoh’s heart was already hardened before God dealt with it. It is not a matter of God choosing to harden one person while letting another freely choose Him; that is not what is happening there. The bottom line is this: isn't it more likely that God isn't just arbitrarily picking some people to bless and others to leave behind? If we know the character of God—and we’re going to get into that in a moment—how could we ascribe those kinds of arbitrary choices to Him? Isn’t it more likely, knowing how loving God is, that there’s a different explanation?

       Taking this pathway matters because it changes how we see God and how we see others. If we’ve always taken this path, we’re basically programmed this way. But just because that’s the way we’ve always done it doesn’t mean it’s the best way. If this was 1895 and we were riding in a carriage, we wouldn't look at a new automobile and say, "That technology is evil. I'm sticking with my carriage because it's worked for hundreds of years." No, we’d see the change. If we stay stuck in our old belief, we’re going to say, “Well, they got dealt a bad hand. Too bad for them,” or, “God must have something special to teach them.” We create a divide between them and us, whether we admit it or not. And we probably won't admit it. We’ll secretly be hoping, “Boy, I hope God doesn’t get me,” or, “I hope I’m not up to bat soon.” We end up with a view of God built around fear—fear of what He might do to "teach us a lesson." We start thinking He’s just trying to get more out of us, because, after all, that’s what He’s trying to do, right? He’s trying to use us for His glory.

       Yet, in all of this, there is a different perspective we can take. Most people don't know it—well, some do. Some know it naturally, but a lot don't. The other view is that the world is simply the world. Sounds basic, right? “The world is simply the world.” What does that mean? Well, we can believe God created the world to be self-sufficient. We believe He created the world, set things in motion, and interacts with the world as things go along. But He does not cause everything that happens to happen, as if He has to be in control of every nook and cranny just to stay on top of things. Think about the moon, for instance. It circles the earth because that’s how God set the system to work. He isn’t sitting there every single moment, using his power to manually move it around the earth. You can take it even further, down to the smallest levels of reality. God isn't pushing every atom into place. He designed a system so that protons, neutrons, and electrons could move on their own—perfectly in line with his design. If someone has to be in control of every detail to stay on top, that’s a perspective based on fear. It suggests God is afraid that if He isn't, things will get out of control fast. But is that very powerful? Or, which is more powerful: to be in control of every detail, or to allow independent beings freedom—and yet still be in control? That second position seems even more powerful, doesn't it? Because He doesn’t have to micromanage, and yet, He is in control.

       Let’s look at an example to see how this actually works. Think about a parent letting their child walk to school every morning. Now, if that parent walks them there every single day and then stays with them the whole way home, well, that’s the safest option. If you’re looking strictly at safety, micromanaging that walk is a great strategy. But if we look at it through the lens of development—the child’s need for freedom and independence—then walking them to and walking them back doesn't seem like such a great plan, does it? The parent who lets them go on their own is allowing that child to grow up. They’re allowing them to take responsibility for their own safety, to a degree. That’s how a secure parent-child relationship is supposed to function. And we see that same consistency with God. Hebrews tells us that “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever” (Hebrews 13:8, ESV). God’s “parenting” toward us isn’t erratic. He’s not pushing us forward and then pulling us back. If a parent doesn’t respect a child’s need for growth, that child just can’t grow naturally.

       And here’s something else: God isn't just concerned with our security. There’s a much deeper reason for this, and it’s that God doesn’t micromanage our every move, because love requires freedom. Does that make sense? Love requires freedom. We have to be free in order to truly love. If we were more like something such as semi-robots, we couldn't love God. God wouldn't have any real stake in our love; He’d have some kind of ‘pull’ or draw—no pun intended—over our decisions. But we know that’s not how love works. You see it in a marriage—a man and a woman choosing to love each other—and it’s the same with God. And this gets into some pretty deep water—and there is not time to dive into all the implications today—but if God controlled our every move just for our 'safety,' we could never become our own persons. We would just be an extension of what He wanted us to be. A lot of people get stuck here because they think that’s the goal. They say, 'We’re supposed to be like Christ.' But being like Christ is about our character versus our sin-nature—not about our personhood or our individuality. That’s a distinction that gets missed a lot.

       Now, let’s bring this back to what we actually want in life. We all have desires—that’s just basic human nature. We have learning ambitions; most of us want to go to college or university. We have relational goals; most of us want to find that "perfect" person to share our lives with. And then there is the money we want to make, the house we want to buy, the car, having kids—we could go on forever. But how does God feel about those things? Does He even care? Do we tell ourselves they’re just "worldly" things He doesn't notice? Or—and this happens so often—do we say He cares, but then a breath later act like He doesn’t? Or do we say, "Well, God cares, but only about His will. So, in other words: Does God only care about what He wants?

       What we’re trying to figure out here is whether it’s bad to have these desires. Is it wrong to want a good education, to get married, to have a comfortable home? Of course, it’s not "bad" to want those things. That’s the point trying to be made. We’re trying to say that God really does care about what you want, regardless of what those things are. Now, let’s offer a quick qualification—and some of you might need to hear this—that we’re not talking about "immoral" desires. It’s not about wanting to hurt people or live in sin. We’re not talking about trying to align ourselves with Satan’s desires. If a desire leads us into sin, as James talks about in James 1:14, 15, we’re working to move away from that. We all have a sin nature; we’re all striving to eliminate sin from our lives. But we aren't talking about people who are actively seeking to live out sin. We’re talking about the good, honest desires of the human heart.

       So let’s talk about this perspective a little bit further—that we believe God actually cares about what we care about. Paul wrote to the Corinthians, saying that in Christ, it is “always Yes” (see 2 Corinthians 1:17-19). But do we take that at face value? Do we really know how God responds to our desires? Do we have a logical model for this? Well, we have Jesus. We believe Jesus is the full manifestation of God in human flesh. He told His disciples, “Whoever has seen me has seen the Father” (John 14:9, ESV). He is the exact imprint of God (see Hebrews 1:3; also Colossians 1:15). So, since we have a record of what He did on earth, we can look at that record to see how He responded to people’s wants. Did Jesus go around trying to force everyone to live exactly his way? Is that what He did? When someone approached Him with a need, did He say, "Well, you don't need this; you need that instead"? Or did He say, "I’m not going to heal you because God inflicted this on you to make you grow"? He didn't do that. We can see it in the countless miracles—the blind being healed, the tormented being freed, the paralyzed being able to walk, and even the dead being raised back to life. It’s miraculous stuff. And in many of those cases, Jesus was fulfilling the desires of others. A person who has died can’t "desire" to be alive, at least in this realm, but their family can—and God fulfills their desire. Jesus went around doing good things for people based on what they wanted. It wasn’t based on some hidden agenda or "strings attached." He simply blessed people where they were, and gave them what they wanted.

       Now, we can say that about Jesus—that He actually cared—but does our mind really believe it? Honestly, probably not. We suffer from a negativity bias. Now, we’re not going into what the psychological definition of that term means, but we all suffer from it. Because of our own nature, we see the negative side of things so easily. We see Jesus as a threat to what we want. We pull up those moments where He told the disciples, "Follow me," and we think, "Ah, see? It doesn't matter what I want."

       That’s how our minds frame things to fit our bias. When we come across the command to “take up your cross,” our minds see it as a threat. We ignore the fact that Jesus spent three and a half years healing people and showing compassion. We ignore the fact that His reason for teaching was to give, not to get. When we think about taking up our crosses, see it as a sign that God does not in fact what to give us what we want. Yet, the cross isn’t about God being indifferent to what we want, but rather it’s about God inviting us to trade our human desires for living in the best way possible. Based on the truth of reality, it is the best wants. It’s about death to the part of us we don’t even like so that we can live by our better self. We focus on the few things the mind can pull up to "prove" that God doesn't care—maybe because of some preacher we heard who wasn't enlightened, or maybe they just wanted our money. Either way, we overlook the bigger picture.

       And that was the three and a half years Jesus did all that. But what about now? Is there hope for us today? Before we answer that, we have to look at the state of the world. Right now, we are “post-cross." What happened at the cross? That was where God defeated Satan. Before the cross, we would say Satan had authority over the earth, and every person who died, he had a legal claim to. But at the cross, when God turned away and allowed Satan to take Jesus’s life—a life he had no right to take because Jesus hadn't sinned—Satan broke the rules. God won back authority. Satan lost the keys, Jesus resurrected, and God gave that authority to His Son. And yet, despite this tremendous victory, the world is still the world. Humans are still humans. Satan is still Satan. God didn’t just erase the sin problem from the earth. And why? We don’t know for sure. We know He wants us to believe in Him in the right way, but we don’t know why these things are still continuing. So, the world is still the world. Storms, floods, and earthquakes still happen. People still make bad choices with their free will. There are still spiritual forces—Satan, other fallen angels, and demons—that negatively impact us. Even after the cross, bad things still happen in our lives.

       But that doesn’t mean we can’t live whole and complete lives because of what God has accomplished. No matter what God is able to do, the point for us right now is internal. We can work toward aligning ourselves so that no matter what happens in the world, we are okay. We want security. God, through Jesus Christ, provides that security. He provides it when we first believe, but as we seek the truth, He aligns us deeper. Sure, God will often use events to get the most good out of them—that’s Romans 8:28. That makes sense. But we don’t need bad things to happen to teach us. We can learn to be whole and secure in Christ now, so that when the bad stuff happens, we aren't shaken. The rain and the flooding will come, but if we’ve built our house on solid ground, our house will still stand once the storm ceases. It’s not that it won’t rain, and it’s not that God is "causing" the flood—it’s just that when it happens, we are okay afterwards because we’ve done the work forwards.

       Let’s look back at the people we started with. For Sarah, waiting for that perfect man, she can now be content whether he comes along or not. She can love God without feeling like He is responsible for her disappointment. For Darren, who lost his wife, he can understand that bad things happen in this world, and that God is not the one bringing them about. Instead, God is his helper, working by his side to comfort him and to bring about the greatest good. And for Justin, whose new job isn’t what he expected—rather than thinking he misheard God or made a mistake, he can work from this point forward to find a path that brings him happiness again.

       We can stick to our old ways—believing that God causes everything to go wrong and be miserable, or believing we just "got a bad hand." Or, we can see things from a different perspective. We can say, "Yes, God does care, and yet bad things may happen. But I know that God is not the one causing them. I know that no matter what happens, God cares about me, and He cares about what I want."

       That’s what can be taken home today. So, next time you’re in the office and the boss sends that toxic email? Remember: God is not the author of that event. He doesn't want it. Or when you get that 2:00 a.m. call about a friend in an accident? That’s not God’s doing. Or when your child comes home with a "D" on a paper you worked so hard on with her? That’s not because God wants that. Our job in every one of these situations is to see the greatest good we can manifest into them—just like Jesus did with His healings—and then to work to live out that good. As Matthew 7:12 says: “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them” (ESV), and we could add, “do also to yourselves.” Indeed, this is what God does for us, and this is what we can do for ourselves and others.

- Daniel Litton